Back in the saddle again... err, something like that

I just spent several days in a really dark place!

Last week I started praying for T again and, of course, satan tried to needle me with, "Gee, Ann, you must be a horrible person for not praying for your husband since April 12th. (That's the day my Dad passed away. Yeah, the enemy even knows how to put dates to accusations.) THEN he sent a few people my way that were questioning what I was doing. And they began pushing... Don't give up, Do this, Don't do this, Do that... And then there were the questions... How long do you pray over him every day? Have you fasted 40 days? Are you reading the Word for such-number-of-hours a day? And these are only slight exaggerations. Not that any of those things are bad. BUT why was my spirit so restless?!!

I left work early yesterday because I just couldn't concentrate anymore. (My supervisors have been extremely supportive. They've even said to not be afraid to just ask if I just need to leave if I'm having "one of those days.) Which is exactly what yesterday was. So, I went home and got some things done outside and got a bit more packing done. Got some exercise in and took a nice long, warm shower... fell asleep early and woke up feeling like God was telling me something. He opened my eyes to how and why all those recent comments were so disturbing to me. They were all about what I have to DO. What?! Like I have to DO something to try and convince God I'm serious or something?!! Since all of this started, God has wanted me to rest in Him, and He's given me so much peace! He made it obvious that I'm NOT supposed to be STRIVING in this. All He's wanted was for me to trust Him and rest in Him. So when I let myself get pulled out of that place of rest, I got anxious and discouraged. What a difference that revelation has made!! The peace is back! 

A couple months ago my daughter encouraged me to go to John 10 and go through the "shepherd" part and put my name in where I found the word "Sheep". (Please, do this! You won't regret it!) Here are the sections I love: "The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give her a rich and satisfying life... I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd sacrifices His life for Annie. A hired hand will run when he sees a wolf coming. He will abandon Annie because she doesn't belong to him and he isn't her shepherd... My Annie listens to my voice; I know her, and she follows me. I give her eternal life, and she will never perish. No one can snatch her away from me, for my Father has given her to me, and He is more powerful than anyone else. No one can snatch her from the Father’s hand. The Father and I are one.”

So, I'm not going to listen to the "hired hand". Going to listen to the true shepherd!

Yep, just gonna stay in His lap... OK, so it's not a saddle, but "back in the lap again" isn't very catchy.

This is the story of a bride in white...

Holy (Wedding Day) - The City Harmonic

Ok Alone

God gave me a unique picture a few days ago. Was driving home and up ahead I saw a bird by the side of the road. As I got closer I expected it to fly away, it didn't. Then I saw why. It was a mourning dove (they mate for life) standing by her partner that had obviously been hit by a car... she (not sure why, but it was a "she" in my mind) was touching him with her beak - trying to wake him up, but it was too late. 

I said out loud, "Oh, honey, I'm sorry! I'm there too." (Who calls a bird, "Honey"?! Haha)

Many times in our marriage I had tried to warn T of the danger headed his way... our way. Most recently my warnings took on an urgency. But when he ventured out... got too close; it hit him and he could no longer respond to reason, to reality.

And then I felt God adding to my comment to her, "You will be OK, it will take a little bit, but you'll learn you're OK without him."

Needless to say, I had to slow down... hard to drive through tears.

Matthew 10:29-31