Wow! What a Year!!

Early March, 2020 was really the first idea that Covid was truly a worldwide health problem. Isolation, or what they called "quarantine", started mid-March and was only supposed to be a couple weeks to "slow the curve".

Then weeks and weeks of conflicting information and suggestions made us start to question... "What's really going on here?!" I went through Medical Assistant training in 2015. I LOVED it. One of my favorite units was about the immune system. So when this all started happening, I had some clues as to what viruses do and how to control spread and symptoms. I also knew our bodies were created to fend off viruses. This "new" outbreak also spurred more questions... that were not being answered. Then we found out that it was likely a genetically manipulated virus. Which created MORE questions. It's been a year of a LOT of education for those that like to ask questions.

So, here we are a year later and many of those questions have been answered, but many have not. The frustrating part is the reaction to the questions. The media and politicians have chosen their favorite doctors and scientists. If you still have questions, you become a problem for them.

I have become SO frustrated by those put in authority over others (political figures, bosses, schools... even spouses, parents and grandparents) that are bullying people into getting ANY "maxine", but especially the new experimental med therapy!! 😡 I was listening to a podcast yesterday and heard something that will resonate with most of us here... ❤ They were talking about the bullying and being made to feel we CAN'T ask questions. As a survivor of spousal abuse, this quote really struck me...!! 💪

"Ask questions. If you're in a situation... I feel inclined to say one more time... If you're in a situation where asking the question is met with hostility and anger and bullying... Then, to me, that's an indication you're not in a "safe space". - Meeke Addison.

TRUTH!! NO?!?! 

NOTE: YES, I know "maxine" is the wrong word. But since so many platforms are flagging certain words and phrases... I have decided to be a bit cryptic. 

She will always be my hero.

Mom fell in late June 2020, ended up in the hospital and then went to a local nursing home with the intention of getting stronger to be in an assisted living facility.

While she was in the nursing home, they found Mom had developed extremely high calcium levels and it made her pretty "loopy" (this is likely why she fell). She was not able to process questions or respond. After oodles of tests (blood work and CT scans), they tracked down the cause of the high calcium levels. They are certain it is because of Large-Cell Lymphoma and it had metastasized. 

NOTE: Mom had mentioned a couple times in April of 2020 that she was having more pain than usual but chalked it up to not being able to do her swim classes at the Y. She also said it was almost impossible to get into the Dr. because of covid restrictions. Her undiagnosed cancer remained unchecked. I'd had many conversations with her over the years and know she would not have done anything to treat it. BUT if we'd known it was there, we could have drastically changed things. We could have implemented treatments to keep her comfortable and safe. 

When Mom developed hypercalcemia, she couldn't make her own decisions for her care and I was made her Power of Attorney for Healthcare.

On Sunday, August 9th, the family (my brother, Mike, Nick and Gwen) gathered at the hospital in Janesville and everyone agreed that Mom/Grandma would NOT want life-prolonging procedures, radiation or chemo. She was put on some high doses of steroids to control the pain. 

NOTE: I set to work on Monday getting her apartment emptied and Danny joined me. We gave away and sold all kinds of things. We drove up to Mike and Patti's on Friday, Aug 14.

On Tuesday, August 11th we had her moved to my brother's house in Rhinelander. They had prepared a room for her... it was beautiful! Beautiful view, comfortable surroundings. Aspirus Hospice Care was called. Aspirus supplied everything that was needed to keep her comfortable for as long as it was needed. They came every day to bathe and change her. They educated us on morphine administration and other things we could do to keep her comfortable.

Mom was surrounded by her kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. She LOVED it!! On Friday, August 14th, she was alert and even jovial. She was her typical snarky, joking self. However, as the week closed the strong steroids wore off and her body started to shut down. By Saturday, she could barely respond. We made sure someone was sitting with her all day. And there was a monitor in her room to listen to her overnight.

We started to go to bed on Sunday night the 16th, but something told us that the end was near and we decided to sit up with her that night. Mike & Patti, (my brother and his wife), me & Dan surrounded her bed. With music in the background, we would sing to her, pray and talk to her. I remembered not knowing when exactly my dad passed, so as the night got deeper, I decided to keep the stethoscope on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. I was overwhelmed by memories and by her strength. I was practically curled up in bed with her... holding her hand and listening to her beautiful heart.

At 10:45pm on Sunday, August 16th, we witnessed her take her last breath and I heard her last heartbeat.

Mom went from laying in a bed to running through the gates of Heaven into the waiting arms of her Savior and my Dad.

Later, I had this twinge... a feeling that it was morbid for me to listen to her heart as it stopped. But almost immediately, I felt God comfort me, as if to say, "No, no, no, my child. Your mom's heartbeat was the first thing your ears heard when she carried you in her womb. What an amazing privilege to be able to hear her last heartbeat." God loves us so much! He ALWAYS knows what we need!

NOTE: I am finally able to write this... eight months later! The emptiness has been hard to describe. I have never experienced life without my mom. My MIL reminded me that "No one has ever known you or will ever know you like your mom did." That describes it so well. Our humanness wants to be known, to be understood. And a mom knows you best and loves you completely.

Interestingly, and thankfully... God knows us even better! He knows our deepest thoughts, our deepest hurts and things we think have been kept secret. And He loves us completely, perfectly and unconditionally. I know my mom was looking forward to the day she could tell Him to His face how thankful she was for that love. I can't wait for the day to thank Him as well... and to get another hug from my mom... and joke around with her! 

I HAVE to mention that just minutes before she was led into Heaven by Jesus, THIS SONG was playing!

And with everything going on in the world, I wish I could chat with her and pray with her.

Man, I miss her.