She will always be my hero.

Mom fell in late June 2020, ended up in the hospital and then went to a local nursing home with the intention of getting stronger to be in an assisted living facility.

While she was in the nursing home, they found Mom had developed extremely high calcium levels and it made her pretty "loopy" (this is likely why she fell). She was not able to process questions or respond. After oodles of tests (blood work and CT scans), they tracked down the cause of the high calcium levels. They are certain it is because of Large-Cell Lymphoma and it had metastasized. 

NOTE: Mom had mentioned a couple times in April of 2020 that she was having more pain than usual but chalked it up to not being able to do her swim classes at the Y. She also said it was almost impossible to get into the Dr. because of covid restrictions. Her undiagnosed cancer remained unchecked. I'd had many conversations with her over the years and know she would not have done anything to treat it. BUT if we'd known it was there, we could have drastically changed things. We could have implemented treatments to keep her comfortable and safe. 

When Mom developed hypercalcemia, she couldn't make her own decisions for her care and I was made her Power of Attorney for Healthcare.

On Sunday, August 9th, the family (my brother, Mike, Nick and Gwen) gathered at the hospital in Janesville and everyone agreed that Mom/Grandma would NOT want life-prolonging procedures, radiation or chemo. She was put on some high doses of steroids to control the pain. 

NOTE: I set to work on Monday getting her apartment emptied and Danny joined me. We gave away and sold all kinds of things. We drove up to Mike and Patti's on Friday, Aug 14.

On Tuesday, August 11th we had her moved to my brother's house in Rhinelander. They had prepared a room for her... it was beautiful! Beautiful view, comfortable surroundings. Aspirus Hospice Care was called. Aspirus supplied everything that was needed to keep her comfortable for as long as it was needed. They came every day to bathe and change her. They educated us on morphine administration and other things we could do to keep her comfortable.

Mom was surrounded by her kids, grandkids and great-grandkids. She LOVED it!! On Friday, August 14th, she was alert and even jovial. She was her typical snarky, joking self. However, as the week closed the strong steroids wore off and her body started to shut down. By Saturday, she could barely respond. We made sure someone was sitting with her all day. And there was a monitor in her room to listen to her overnight.

We started to go to bed on Sunday night the 16th, but something told us that the end was near and we decided to sit up with her that night. Mike & Patti, (my brother and his wife), me & Dan surrounded her bed. With music in the background, we would sing to her, pray and talk to her. I remembered not knowing when exactly my dad passed, so as the night got deeper, I decided to keep the stethoscope on her chest, listening to her heartbeat. I was overwhelmed by memories and by her strength. I was practically curled up in bed with her... holding her hand and listening to her beautiful heart.

At 10:45pm on Sunday, August 16th, we witnessed her take her last breath and I heard her last heartbeat.

Mom went from laying in a bed to running through the gates of Heaven into the waiting arms of her Savior and my Dad.

Later, I had this twinge... a feeling that it was morbid for me to listen to her heart as it stopped. But almost immediately, I felt God comfort me, as if to say, "No, no, no, my child. Your mom's heartbeat was the first thing your ears heard when she carried you in her womb. What an amazing privilege to be able to hear her last heartbeat." God loves us so much! He ALWAYS knows what we need!

NOTE: I am finally able to write this... eight months later! The emptiness has been hard to describe. I have never experienced life without my mom. My MIL reminded me that "No one has ever known you or will ever know you like your mom did." That describes it so well. Our humanness wants to be known, to be understood. And a mom knows you best and loves you completely.

Interestingly, and thankfully... God knows us even better! He knows our deepest thoughts, our deepest hurts and things we think have been kept secret. And He loves us completely, perfectly and unconditionally. I know my mom was looking forward to the day she could tell Him to His face how thankful she was for that love. I can't wait for the day to thank Him as well... and to get another hug from my mom... and joke around with her! 

I HAVE to mention that just minutes before she was led into Heaven by Jesus, THIS SONG was playing!

And with everything going on in the world, I wish I could chat with her and pray with her.

Man, I miss her.